Believe her! Do not question her accuracy. Remember that she is probably minimizing the violence. What you hear may only be the beginning.

Confidentiality is crucial. A women's consent should be obtained in writing for anyone who needs to know about the abuse. Just as importantly, use this opportunity to empower the victim to make contacts for herself. Offer the use of your phone. This provides an opportunity to be supportive throughout the process.

Do not disclose information about the victim to the batterer. Be aware that many who batter experience a need to control others. Someone who batters may desire to control anyone (e.g., clergy, counselor, etc.) willing to help the victim.

Validate her feelings and affirm her courageous act of coming to you. You may be the first person whom she has approached.

Ask direct, specific questions. Many women will not acknowledge that there is "violence" in the relationship. However, they may acknowledge that he hits, punches, slaps, calls her names, etc. By being direct, you tell her that it is OK for her to discuss this difficult issue. By being specific, you help her to identify behavior that may be abusive.

Counsel the battered woman without physically touching her. To touch her may recall painful memories.

Unequivocally denounce the violence. No one deserves to be abused. Do not ask her what she did to provoke the violence. She in no way caused the abuse!

Tell her she is not alone.

Offer her alternatives from which to choose. Many battered women find it difficult to see, let along act on available options. Some of these options may be individual counseling, support groups, education, separation, divorce or legal aid (e.g., help in filing a Protective Order).

Support her decision to act or to not act. She must be allowed to make changes in her own life (even if you are convinced that she should be doing something different). She already probably has someone at home telling her what to do and when to do it. Encourage her to verbalize her decision.

DO NOT SUGGEST MARRIAGE OR COUPLES COUNSELING. Unless the violence has completely stopped and the batterer has gone through a batterer's program, couples counseling could increase the level of violence. The immediate goal is not to save the marriage, but to stop the violence. Treatment for those perpetrating abuse needs to be licensed in the State of Utah specifically for domestic violence perpetrator treatment.

Should one clergy counsel both victim and batterer? Consider whether it would be a conflict to work with both of them. There is a dangerous potential if the two should come into contact through counseling (especially if there is a Protective Order in place).

Do not confront the abuser about what the victim has said. Holding the abuser accountable, though important, is never as important as physical safety. See the Danger Review in the appendix.

If the abuser confronts you. He may deny that any abuse took place or he may blame her for his actions. You need to be unrelenting in your statements that violence is not tolerated. The abuser may have a long history of violence in his own family and will need help in seeing his behavior clearly and beginning to identify the patterns of violence in his life. This should be a learning process to effect change and NOT an exercise in finding excuses for the violent behavior.

Do not attempt to intervene during an explosion. Unless helpers are specially trained and carry the authority of law-enforcement officers, not only will they not be helpful but they could be killed stepping into a violent incident. Rely on the police to stop an assault.

Do not attempt to intervene during the reconciliation phrase. Doing so may be a waste of time. Everyone's energy is usually focused on denial. No one is going to be willing to hear an outsider's efforts to refer the batterer to treatment and the victim to a safe place.

Do not minimize or deny the abuse/violence. Do not participate in the minimization of the violent episode or in attempts to talk the victim into returning home. Be clear that you believe this battering will happen again and that you are available to help when it does. Do not encourage the victim to tolerate or endure the abusive acts. Helped her to understand that the offender is responsible for his own behavior.

Do conduct private interview with each partner. The victims needs to feel safe to tell the truth of what is happening in her home. She may not be able to express herself if her batterer is sitting next to her.

Do attempt to intervene during the brief reality period after the explosion. If the victim is hospitalized, go to her there and let her know that you feel she is in danger and needs to be in a safe place. Be sure she knows what resources are available to her. Encourage the victim to consider use of women's shelters, protective orders, and legal and police assistance if necessary. If the batterer is in jail, go to him and let him know clearly that you cannot condone what he has done. Explain that he must accept the legal consequences of his actions and must get help for HIS problem. It is not the victims fault for the battering.

Be available for either the victim or the batterer to come to you for help during the stress-building (tension) phase of the cycle. Encourage both to seek help when either of them feels the tension building again. Encourage the abused partner to seek assistance from family members and friends, if appropriate, but remember that the priority is the victim's safety at all times. Help her go to safe place.