By John C. Turpin © 1991 Covenant Communications, Inc.

         The best possible stress-reducer is simply a certain attitude that can prevent a lot of problems in your life and lead to ultimate peace. This attitude can enable you to respond to your teenager or anyone else with sincere caring when it would seem impossible.
        Are you interested in what this attitude is? The Savior said to the Nephites: "And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit," (3 Nephi 9:20). And in modern revelation, the Lord said: "But blessed are the poor who are pure in heart, whose hearts are broken, and whose spirits are contrite." (D&C 56:18.)
        And to the Saints in Alma's time: "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times." (Alma 7:23.)
        Abinadi further explained that the Savior taught us by example how to overcome our life problems, "because he dwelleth in flesh... and having subjected the flesh to the will of the Father... And thus the flesh becoming subject to the Spirit, or the Son to the Father... suffereth temptation, and yieldeth not to the temptation." (Mosiah 15:2-5) Submitting to the Father's will with a contrite spirit is the best formula for stress-reduction.    

Benefiting from This Gospel Attitude
        A broken heart and a contrite spirit reduce your stress by creating an attitude that is Christlike. It does not come easily. We all have days when we want to stay angry; or blame someone else for our problems, or act in a carnal rather than a spiritual way. Yet the more Christlike you become, the more you are able to deal with the stress of daily life in the best way. You become Christlike as you rise above your sins, weaknesses, and negative patterns by relying on the Savior and his atonement. This is what Abinadi was talking about-turning to the Lord for help with the anger, the negative emotions, and carnal patterns so you respond in a spiritual way even when it is hard.
        In Romans 8:1,4 this same principle is taught: "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. . . That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."
        This is such a central concept that the Savior illustrated it again reminding us: "And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and be baptized in my name, and become as a little child, or ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God." (3 Nephi 11:38.)
        Why did the Savior say we can t enter the kingdom of God unless we are childlike? Perhaps because we will never make it unless we have a contrite heart. Life's difficulties, trials, and stresses may become too much for us otherwise.

Overcoming the Natural Man
        King Benjamin reminded us that we can overcome the natural man by yielding to the Holy Spirit: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19; emphasis added.)
        The greatest stress-reducer is to draw close to the Lord so we can put off the natural man. When we have the help of the Holy Ghost, we treat others better because we have peace within. We see things differently as we change inside. Because of these changes, we become better able to handle the stressors of life. We become more teachable.
        Each of us lives in a world that emphasizes the carnal, sensual, and even the devilish. As explained in Moses 5:13, "And Satan came among them, saying: I am also a son of God; and he commanded them, saying: Believe it not; and they believed it not, e And men began from that time forth to be carnal, sensual, and devilish." As we draw close to the Lord, we overcome the carnal by seeing it for what it really is. If we justify the carnal with inappropriate movies, television, or behaviors, we run the risk of following the path from carnal to sensual and even to devilish.

Understanding the Spiritual Stress Cycle
        Joan seemed sincere enough about her question: "Should I marry Bill?" Joan had prayed a lot and already knew the answer but didn't have the strength to act on it.
        She hoped her friend would strengthen her resolve. She and her friend talked a long time about the decision. Joan knew even more strongly as she talked with her friend that she should not marry Bill. She left the conversation with a commitment to do what she knew to be right and break up with him.
        She didn't like that decision though, so she got together with Bill and tried to convince herself that the marriage was right. Together, they made decisions that led to sin and deep confusion about the decision. In this confused state, she concluded that it was a right decision to marry Bill-the exact opposite of what she knew with absolute assurance only a month earlier. Joan now has extremely high stress.
        Can she reduce her stress without resolving to follow the path the Lord pointed out to her? Will any "stress reduction technique" solve her problem? The only solution is a spiritual one for Joan. She can resolve her stress cycle by following the prompting to break up with Bill instead of marry him. Though it may be difficult to do, she will experience peace. Peace can come amidst turmoil when a right decision is made even though it can be very difficult to act on.
        The Spiritual Stress Cycle is a pattern one gets into by not following individual promptings of the Spirit of the Lord. The Spiritual Stress Cycle can be illustrated as follows:
            1. The Spirit prompts an individual to change.
            2. The individual agrees with the prompting and intends to follow it but procrastinates.
            3. The more he procrastinates, the more he experiences a decreased sensitivity to the promptings of the Spirit.
            4. Procrastination and the resulting decrease in sensitivity lead to confusion. The person is no longer sure about what he should do.
        Like Joan you can at first be completely aware of what the Lord is telling you to do and what you need to do about it. But if you procrastinate, the answer becomes less and less clear. This is especially true if you commit sins that automatically weaken or destroy sensitivity to the Spirit. Like Joan, you can become totally confused to the point that you think what you are presently doing is right-when it may be the exact opposite of what the Lord originally told you to do. You may go to a friend to validate this incorrect decision, and you can always find someone who will agree with you.
        You are now following your own wisdom, and the wisdom of others, over the Lord's wisdom. It is as Jesus told Paul when he appeared to him, "it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks." (Acts 9:5.) And Paul answering gave the solution to the stress cycle when he said: "Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?" (Acts 9:6.) As you do what the Lord tells you to do, you break the Spiritual Stress Cycle and lower your stress.

Reducing Stress by Forgiving Others
        The atonement of the Savior is the central teaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the central teaching of the atonement is forgiveness of others, for the Lord said, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:10.) Forgiving as the Lord directs allows us to let go of resentments, to grow spiritually, and to find peace. Forgiveness is discussed in more detail in the chapter entitled Fourteenth Stop.

Recognizing the Difference Between Weakness and Sin
        Is there a difference between a weakness and a sin? Can you be living a good life with few sins and still have serious weaknesses? The Lord said: "For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance. Nevertheless, he that repents and does the commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven." (D&C 1:31-32.) Then, in the same section, the Lord states that revelations are given unto my servants in their weakness, after the manner of their language, that they might come to understanding." (D&C1:24.)
        One difference between weaknesses and sins is that sins can be repented of but weaknesses cannot be repented of; for they are tendencies rather than conscious choices. For some, a sin early in life, although repented of, may create a weakness that is with them for the rest of their lives. This is true for any type of addiction, for although the person may never again give in to the temptation, the desire created earlier can stay with the person for a lifetime. However, with the help of the Lord, it is possible to keep a weakness from becoming a sin and to avoid repeating a sin that has created a weakness. For example, the Lord teaches: "Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly." (D&C 121:45.) Virtuous thoughts can prevent a weakness from becoming a sexual sin.
        The adversary makes a person feel defeated when he struggles with and doesn't overcome a weakness immediately. The adversary knows your weaknesses and wants them to become sins. Therefore, it is wise to pray constantly for strength to keep your weaknesses from becoming sins.
        Thankfully, with the Lord's help, weaknesses can actually become strengths. The Lord allows you to have weaknesses so you can be humble: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:26-27.)
        Some people feel unworthy because of the weakness alone and allow their feelings of unworthiness to stop their progress. Understanding that you can be worthy and still have weaknesses can help you spiritually, for "It is not wise or proper for us to judge ourselves as being unworthy and thus stop our forward progress." (Marvin J. Ashton, Ensign, May, 1989. p.22.) Having a weakness toward certain types of sins does not make you unworthy, as long as you don't commit those sins.

Learning to Make Correct Decisions
        If you make correct decisions, your life will be more peaceful. Right decisions produce joy, and wrong decisions produce stress and guilt. You have probably made a lot of mistakes and wrong decisions like the rest of us, but we can all learn to make more and more correct decisions by understanding and following what was explained to Oliver Cowdery as he struggled in his attempts to help translate the Book of Mormon.
        Oliver Cowdery tried to translate the words, but he failed. This attempt was very confusing to him for the Lord had approved his translation efforts. The Lord counseled him, "Behold, you have not understood. You have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me." (D&C 9:7.)
        The Lord taught Oliver Cowdery how to translate properly and also taught us how to make correct decisions: "But behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind, then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you. Therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong." (D&C 9:8-9.)
        The four steps of decision-making given by the Lord in these scriptures are:

Step One: "Study it out in your mind," (D&C 9:8.) First reach a decision on your own.
Step Two: "Then you must ask me if it be right." (D&C 9:8.) Take your decision to the Lord and ask if what you have decided is right.
Step Three: "You shall feel that it is right" or "you shall have no such feelings." (D&C 9:8-9.) After asking the Lord, you listen with your feelings to the Spirit of the Lord to confirm your decision. The Lord communicates with you through your feelings. If your decision is right, you will feel good and have peaceful feelings. The scripture teaches: "Your bosom shall burn within you." (D&C 9:8.) Some have misunderstood this to mean a form of heartburn, but this is more a warm, calm feeling of peace so you "feel that it is night." (D&C 9:8.) You can learn to recognize these feelings and through trial and error learn to make more and more correct decisions, for the process is learned only through experience.
Step Four: Act upon confirmed decisions.     

        These four steps are sometimes misunderstood. Some people have difficulty because they want the Lord or someone else to make their decisions with no effort on their part. Others have difficulty learning to listen with feelings.
        Some misunderstand the phrase "The stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong (D&C 9:9) to mean that if by morning, they have not forgotten what they were praying about the night before, it must be a right decision. A "stupor of thought" isn't a memory lapse, but a feeling of uneasiness or confusion because we are unsure what is the best thing to do. A stupor of thought happens when we try to feel good about wrong decisions.
        When a decision is wrong and we fight it, we become confused. We may say, "I don't know what to do anymore. This confusion is often a result of denying real feelings. As with the spiritual stress cycle, the only solution is to do what the Lord wants you to do.
        Even right decisions can sometimes be difficult to make. An investigator of the Church can know the Church is true and know he should join, yet negative feedback from others can make it difficult to do it. In such cases it is even more important to seek and follow the Lord's guidance. As you follow the steps given by the Lord, you can make more correct decisions in your life.

The Comforter as a Stress-Reducer
        John 14:26 records the words of the Savior: "But the comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”
        We all need comfort. Life is rarely the way we want it to be: trials come, loved ones die, accidents happen, people mistreat and misjudge us. Sometimes the only place you can find comfort is from your Heavenly Father. But sometimes you may not receive the comfort you seek because what you really need is guidance for action.
        For example, you may want a specific job but are prompted to accept a different one, or you may want to turn down a calling but feel you should accept it. Likewise you may want to spend your time improving your financial standing but are prompted to spend more time on your church calling or your family history or with your children. Confronted with the anxiety and frustration of wanting something contrary to a prompting, you may seek comfort from the Lord. Rather than providing comfort, however, the Lord might inspire you to act on the prompting, assuring you that faithful obedience to the prompting will work for your good. As you move in the direction of the prompting then you feel comfort. Comfort comes when you make the Lord's will your will.

 6/14/00 rdh