Death's Dark Angel Strikes
L. Brent Goates, Harold B. Lee: Prophet and Seer [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1985], 351.
 © 2001, Deseret Book, GospeLink 2001, Used by permission

On Friday, October 6, 1961, President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., Elder Lee's tutor and the father-figure in his life as a General Authority, died after an extended illness. President Clark, who toward the end of his life had preached about the importance of "enduring to the end," found it a difficult challenge for him when he approached his demise. Thus it was a welcome release for this scholarly and statesman-like leader, whose First Presidency service spread through three presidential administrations of the Church.

        Elder Lee had just returned from the airport-where he had said his farewell to President Henry D. Moyle, then en route to Europe-when word of President Clark's passing reached him at his office. He went to the Clark home, where he met with President McKay and urged the President to recall President Moyle for the funeral. Much to the satisfaction of President Moyle and the Clark family, they located President Moyle at the Denver airport and invited him to return.

        The funeral was held on October 10, with a general conference-sized audience in attendance at the Salt Lake Tabernacle. President McKay conducted the service and made brief opening and closing remarks. Elders Mark E. Petersen anti Hugh B. Brown gave the prayers. The speakers were President Henry D. Moyle, Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, Elder Harold B. Lee, and Eider Marion G. Romney. Elder Lee's diary indicated that he had many persons comment about the more personal references he made in his farewell eulogy to the most influential man in his life, and that he had remembered President Clark's instructions to "not make my vices my virtues."

The Refining Fire

        God has always exacted the highest price of personal sacrifice from those whom he would trust to become his prophets, the spokesmen-leaders over his children here on earth. They must go through the fiery furnace and have their mettle proven beyond question and doubt.

        He asked Abraham to choose between the life of his only son and obedience to Jehovah. The faith of prophets must be great enough to disregard their own safety and confidently walk into lions' dens, as did Daniel. Alma and Amulek were imprisoned for many days, where they suffered mockery, hunger, thirst, nakedness, and being bound by strong cords, but when their faith had been tested sufficiently, the cords fell off them, the earth shook, the prison crumbled, and they alone walked out alive (see Alma 14:22-28).

        President Spencer W. Kimball's entire public ministry, since his call to the apostleship in 1943, was conducted against a backdrop of constant physical threats to his life. His chances for extended longevity never seemed to himself, family members, physicians, or Church leaders to offer much hope for prolonged service. Yet, overcoming all, he endured and matured. Having been fully tested, President Kimball rose to preside over the kingdom.

        In the case of Job, the classical biblical lesson in enduring hardships, even his family was taken from him. Such was the crucible through which Harold B. Lee was asked to pass to prove his worthiness to stand, in his time, as the singular prophet, seer, and revelator of God's church on earth.

        The most severe of his refining tests commenced in the autumn of 1961. Because of her mother's failing health, Helen felt that she should be nearer to her and that they needed a one-level home to avoid stressing her heart. The search culminated in the purchase of a beautiful home at 1436 Penrose Drive in the Federal Heights area of Salt Lake City. Elder and Sister Lee moved into this home on October 29, 1961: "We started at 4:30 a.m. with early car loads for our new home, and we were ready for the movers at 8:00 a.m. Movers worked nine and one-half hours to conclude our move, which was made without mishap. We were 'dog-tired' at the end of the day, but Fern said she was so happy she couldn't sleep, so I'm happy, too."

        At the beginning of 1962, just barely settled into her newly redecorated home, Sister Fern T. Lee's deteriorating condition manifested itself. On the first Saturday of 1962, she blacked out three times during the night; Elder Lee cancelled his stake conference trip to San Bernardino, California, to stay with her.

        A similar episode occurred in April, 1962, while Elder Lee was in New York City; she was hospitalized after becoming unconscious twice during the night and suffering a slight concussion from a fall. After ten days she had improved, but the neurosurgeon consultant attending her warned that more such attacks might be expected because of her long history of high blood pressure.

        Sister Lee improved sufficiently to accompany Elder Lee to the Oakland Temple groundbreaking service on May 27, 1962, where she was honored with a seat at lunch next to President David O. McKay. This lifted her spirits measurably. She entertained her family on the patio of her new home on the July Fourth holiday, and hosted a dinner in honor of President Jay and Virginia Quealy, who were leaving to preside over the Southern Far East Mission. But the fainting spells continued intermittently.

The Passing of Fern Tanner Lee

        A lengthy hospitalization in September 1962 led to the more precise diagnosis that beyond the serious hypertension condition, Sister Lee was suffering from periodic brain clots. The final chapter of her fatal illness began on September 14, 1962, while Elder Lee, with Elder Delbert L. Stapley, went to the Logan Temple for his customary teaching session with newly called missionaries. Elder Lee's diary records this tragic series of events:

        I called home and found that Fern had been desperately ill for the entire day with intense nausea and vomiting. I immediately called her doctor, who ordered some medicine which didn't seem to help lessen the nausea. I called the substitute doctor for her own attending physician, who came and gave her an injection which didn't prove effective. Two hours later, at about 10:30 p.m., I called him back to relieve her pain. This time he gave her two injections for pain and to help her sleep. About 3:00 a.m. she called for me to take her to the bathroom. She blacked out, with her head becoming cold and clammy, as also her feet and hands. For thirty minutes her sister Emily and I worked over her with all the faith and prayer we could muster. Her body gradually became warm again. For a time we wondered if we would bring her back. She went to sleep until about 6:00 a.m. As she awakened the entire nausea returned. I called Dr. James F. Orme, her doctor, and he advised that we take her immediately to the hospital. To give her a feeling of greater security I urged Dr. Orme to also involve her former physicians, Dr. J. LeRoy Kimball and Dr. L. H. Viko. He thought this would be well. Special-duty nurses were engaged around the clock. She said to me: "You won't let them leave me alone will you?"

        The doctors advised me to cancel my assignment to meet with the BYU student leaders at the Jackson Lodge on the weekend. I had Frances [his secretary] wire Jackson, Wyoming, following the advice of Dr. Orme, and advise that I would not be there with their leadership students from the BYU.

        After the first day her condition improved markedly. The neurosurgeon told Helen and me that he was convinced her nausea was still caused by minor arterial "accidents" in her brain, which might be classed as mild strokes. This reasoning argued the necessity of keeping her pressure to a minimum to prevent reoccurrences. She seems to be worrying about my cancelling of trips to the East, as evidence of a more serious condition than we had told her. President McKay has advised that I attend my Equitable and Union Pacific meetings, which I probably will do if Fern remains the same or improves. I will make plans to further her sense of security. I have had a strong feeling that I should not go East this week, but probably next week. (I assisted in setting apart nearly 200 missionaries).

        On Thursday, September 20, 1962, Elder Lee wrote this comment in his journal: "For the first time since Fern has been in the hospital, this time she said she felt better and she looked like she did. With the aid of the nurse she had walked to the end of the hall and back. President McKay was very solicitous about Fern and sent a box of large peaches to us."

        By Saturday, Sister Lee seemed so much better that Doctor Orme thought it would be safe if Elder Lee kept his appointment for a stake conference at the Lake Mead Stake in Nevada. Elder Lee discussed the proposition with his wife Saturday morning, at which time they also arranged plans for her homecoming from the hospital.

        Such plans were useless, however, for before that night was over Sister Lee suffered a massive cerebral hemorrhage. Her spinal fluid indicated that her condition was near fatal, and from that moment her life was sustained only by an artificial, mechanical resuscitator. Helen's husband, Brent, notified Elder Lee in Nevada by a phone call at 12:30 A.M., and told him to rush home immediately. The airline contacted would not hold their scheduled flight, then preparing to leave the airport, so Elder Lee was forced to charter a small, two-engine plane which flew him to the Salt Lake Airport, arriving at 4:00 A.M.

        Elder Lee then began a long vigil at the bedside of his beloved wife, praying mightily for the preservation of her life. With profound grief, he watched his dear companion slipping, responding less and less to the artificial means of sustaining life. Finally he was urged to go home to bathe and rest. At home, reflecting on having watched her frail unconscious body suffer for thirty hours, he realized what he must do. Only then could he kneel down and ask the Lord to take her quickly if she couldn't be returned to a normal life. After he was resigned to placing her in the hands of a loving God, the end came quickly.

        Shortly after his prayer of resignation, while Elder Lee was at Helen's home for breakfast, at 9:00 A.M. that Monday, September 24, 1962, he received a call from his other daughter, Maurine, at the hospital. She urged them to come quickly, as her Mother was failing rapidly.

        Arriving in the hospital room Elder Lee felt her presence so strongly that he began quietly talking to her as though she could hear what he was saying. With his fingers lovingly stroking her forehead, the minutes ticked on while he whispered to her . . . ten, fifteen, thirty . . . until the nurse attending her suddenly stepped out of the room to summon the doctor. The doctor came, checked her in that final moment, and said gently, "She's gone, Brother Lee."

Fern Tanner Lee

        Harold B. Lee straightened up, left her bedside with a departing kiss, and said to his family waiting close by, "Mother always said, after each funeral sermon she heard me deliver, that I would have to speak at her funeral someday because I said all the words that were important to her." He continued, "But of course we both knew I could never do that, so I've just been reminding her of those precious truths which I thought she would like to hear as she embarks on this great new experience."

        She had passed away peacefully, and no doubt, contentedly, upon hearing her dear husband recite as only he could the message of hope which will link them eternally as loving companions.    

        The family returned to the Lee home and planned the funeral services, which were held three days later in the chapel of the Monument Park Ward where the Lees formerly lived. Bishop George R. Hill, of the Federal Heights Ward, conducted. Speakers were President David O. McKay and President Henry D. Moyle of the First Presidency; Dr. Richard S. Tanner, a nephew; and Luacine Clark Fox, a daughter of the late President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., and a dear friend of Sister Lee. Richard Condie led a double mixed quartet from the Tabernacle Choir in singing "O My Father" and "I Know That My Redeemer Lives"; Blanche M. Christensen sang "How Beautiful upon the Mountains"; and Jessie Evans Smith sang the Lee couple's love song, "The Link Divine." Prayers at the service were given by the sons-in-law, L. Brent Goates and Ernest J. Wilkins. Elder Lee's elder brother, Perry, dedicated the grave at the Salt Lake City Cemetery.

        The diary of Elder Lee tells of his special sensitivity to his wife's parting: "I had the feeling that Fern would want to say her farewell in her beautiful home which she loved so much. So, after a public viewing where about 1,000 or more persons came to the mortuary, we had her casket brought and placed before the living room mantel in our home at 1436 Penrose Drive at 10:00 a.m. the next morning."

        There Elder Lee met with his family for one hour. As patriarch of his family and fulfilling his grandfatherly role, he appealed especially to the little ones of his "kingdom" as he tenderly showed them how beautiful death could be to one so nearly perfect as their "Nana." As he had taught his family members to live the gospel and merit happiness and blessings, he now taught them the important lesson on death. He captured the teaching moment, despite an aching heart, and that lesson vividly lives on today in the lives of his family.

        At 11:00 A.M. the General Authorities and their wives joined the family to offer their condolences to their friend and beloved associate in his greatest sorrow. The cortege left from the home at 12:30 P.M. in time for the services to begin at the Monument Park Stake Center at 1:00 P.M.

        The emptiness of home and heart was immediately manifest. Elder Lee's sister, Verda, testified that on the day of Fern's death she had a strong impression, which she felt came from both her mother and Fern, that it was her responsibility to look after her brother now that his wife was gone. This comforting and loving arrangement was agreed on the night of the funeral. Verda and her husband, Charles J. Ross, then moved in and lived with him in his home. They also kept their apartment on Third Avenue, to which they returned occasionally when Elder Lee was away so that Charles could continue to serve as the stake clerk in the Ensign Stake. Elder Lee often expressed his appreciation for them, both publicly and privately. In his journal he wrote:

        Such love and selflessness on the part of both Charlie and Verda surely will be blessed by an all-wise Heavenly Father, who knows my great need now that Fern has been taken from me. No man could have more loyal and devoted daughters and sons, or a sister and brother. How grateful I am that I can keep our home together and give time for wounds to heal which at the present are too painful to permit even clear thinking as to the future. I am finding true what President J. Reuben Clark once told me years after Sister Clark had passed away: "It's something you never get over, but which you can get used to."

        The demands of his Church leadership forced him to begin immediately to prepare for his assignment of explaining developments of the correlation program at the forthcoming October 1962 general conference of the Church. He gave two major addresses at the conference under great tension and was totally exhausted by the effort.

        He excused himself from attendance at the customary dinner of the General Authorities and their wives during the week following conference. He confided in his journal, "Without my sweetheart, I felt I had no place and certainly no desire to be there."

        In late October Elder Lee took a Friday off and drove with Verda and Charlie to Provo through American Fork Canyon to spend a few hours visiting with Maurine and her family. Verda, who had prepared most of the dinner that they took with them, said that she never was so eager to get out of a car in her life, because her brother Harold had driven like a madman, his mind completely absent from his driving. His suffering continued as he tried desperately to restore some order to his life.    

        Recognizing the heavy burden in Elder Lee's heart President McKay intervened with an assignment to attend some European conferences to be held in November. After a sleepless night Eider Lee replied to President McKay that he could go if he could take Elder Walter Stover with him to represent the Priesthood Welfare Committee. With Elder Stover's knowledge of German and other languages, he felt that he could be more independent and secure while he was in Europe. He was authorized to make the arrangements with Brother Stover.

        On November 9, 1962, Elder Lee, with a heavy heart, and Brother Stover left from the Salt Lake Airport for Europe. Elders Spencer W. Kimball, Mark E. Petersen, and Richard L. Evans were there with family members to see him off and give him the encouragement he so much needed.

        No sooner did they arrive in Europe than memories began to hamper Elder Lee's slight grasp on emotional control. November 14 was his wedding anniversary and Fern's birthday. He called it "a most difficult day of memories." Two nights later he wrote, "Nervous tensions and depression turned last night into a nightmare."

        On Saturday, November 17, he received his first letters from home and suffered another emotional setback. After a full day of conference meetings on Sunday in Berlin, Elder Lee had such a severe nervous reaction that he remained away from the Monday evening meetings which were highly advertised and attended by over seven hundred persons.

        While only briefly mentioned in his own journal, his despair and grief is better described by his traveling companion, Elder Walter Stover. Recalls Brother Stover:

        When his beloved wife, Fern, passed away President Lee and I were assigned to go to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland for four weeks. We held many conferences. At that time he was in deep sorrow for the loss of his beloved eternal companion, and I have seen him weep on many occasions, and it was very difficult for me to cheer him up. We held many meetings with our missionaries and members in the armed forces in different cities in Germany. On many occasions, I was his translator. In Berlin he was so depressed he had to go to his hotel room and turn the conference over to me.

        At the close of the European trip Elder Lee wrote in his journal while in Stuttgart, Germany, on November 26, 1962: "I had a strong impression to go back to Frankfurt today, instead of waiting until tomorrow, as scheduled, for our return flight to the United States." The next day he better understood this spiritual direction he had received and wrote this journal entry: "Had we waited at Stuttgart until this morning instead of coming on to Frankfurt as prompted, we would have missed our plane for New York. Stuttgart was 'fogged-in' and the plane on which we were to have come to make connections had not yet arrived when we left for home. Frankfurt seemed to be the one major airport clear. Amsterdam also had to be by-passed because of the fog."

        Walter Stover's recollections of this experience, twenty years later, was: "When we were at the airport in Frankfurt it was announced over the loudspeaker that the flight from Stuttgart to Frankfurt, which we were to have taken, had been cancelled. I didn't say a word, but President Lee just looked at me, knowingly. I knew that he was a prophet of God."

        While courageously carrying on his routine Church assignments, the despair and loneliness in Elder Lee's life was only intensified with the arrival of the Christmas season. In early December his thought was to clean up the yard at their new home for the winter season and trim the shrubs "as he knew Fern would have it done to look as beautiful as possible for Christmas." He wrote in his journal another tribute to his sister Verda "who is not well, but is fully devoted to her 'mission' of making our home as beautiful and lovely at Christmas as she feels Fern would have had it."    

        Elder Lee installed an artificial gas log in the living room fireplace "to add a bit of cheer which seems lacking now." He found it necessary to leave the community-sponsored testimonial dinner honoring President McKay and watched the remainder of the program on television, because "something seems to be increasing in my nervous system when I am too long confined and in an idle mood."

        On Saturday, three days before Christmas, Elder Lee spent some time at the office and then, at the depths of his despair, felt an extreme loneliness as he did some last-minute Christmas shopping. On Sunday morning he thought he would go to his ward chapel in Federal Heights where President McKay was scheduled to speak, but after walking there and encountering the crowd which had assembled, he changed his mind and returned home again to study and pray. Only then did he find a measure of peace. Later on that Sabbath day he was a speaker at the nearby East 27th Ward but wrote of his frustrations in these words: "The spirit was not with me in my sermon at the East 27th Ward, although my family was in attendance. I felt keenly Fern's absence, which on similar occasions in the past has been such a strength and support."

        The emptiness in his life and grieving continued as this schooling and testing worked its inexorable way to the innermost chambers of Harold B. Lee's soul.

        With the abundance of the spiritually chosen ones around him, it is interesting to note that the most effective counsel to the grieving Harold B. Lee came not from his Church-leader friends but from an associate on the Board of Directors of The Equitable Life Assurance Society on January 17, 1963:

        I attended the Insurance Committee meeting of Equitable, followed by the regular board meeting and then lunch with the directors and staff officers. It was good to be with these great men again. Following our board meeting, John A. Sibley, one of our older and most respected directors, a banker from Atlanta, took me aside and related to me his experience in losing his first wife in 1934 in a tragic auto accident. When word of the accident came, his first reaction was that of wishing that he might have died with her. As he later philosophized, he began to see the possible values to himself which he now wanted to pass on to me in the loss of my beloved Fern. This was his reasoning: "This is the most severe test you will ever be confronted with in your life. If you can meet and surmount this test, there will be nothing else in life you cannot meet and surmount." Strangely this bit of wisdom from this fine man gave me comfort as I thought of the days ahead.

        Harold B. Lee was beginning now to see a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel and dared for the first time to think of the future.

A Second Personal Tragedy

        Elder Lee was blessed greatly in July 1963 when he married Freda Joan Jensen. This story will be unfolded later. Here we concentrate on the necessity for Elder Lee to encounter heartbreaking sorrow once more. Coupled with his many triumphs, he was again brought low through personal tragedy.

        This next trial commenced with an assignment to travel abroad in August 1965. In July, Elder Lee met with Elder Paul H. Dunn to plan for conferences in Samoa and Australia, a trip that was to last from August 21 until September 19, culminating with a new stake to be organized at Adelaide, in New South Wales, Australia.

        Shortly before his departure, however, Elder and Sister Lee drove to Provo to see the Wilkins family; while there he gave Maurine a blessing for her forthcoming motherhood.

        After only six days in Hawaii, Elder Lee was awakened at 5:45 A.M. on Friday, August 27, by a shocking telephone call from his wife giving him the shattering news that Maurine was in critical condition at the Utah Valley Hospital in Provo, Utah. Elder Lee immediately phoned the hospital where his son-in-law, Ernest J. Wilkins, told him through his sobs that the doctors were fighting for her life, but that they were giving him no hope. Elder Lee immediately obtained reservations for a flight back home. Minutes later, Ernie called again to say that Maurine was gone, dead at age thirty-nine from a lung embolus, while expecting her fifth child.

        Elder Paul H. Dunn, a then newly called General Authority on his first lengthy trip with a senior Apostle, has vivid recollections of sharing this tumultuous event in the life of Elder Lee. He had witnessed Elder Lee giving encouragement and faith to the grieving family of a Hawaiian stake president just the day before. The deceased wife, Sister Moody, was a dear friend of Sister Fern Lee and the counsel Elder Lee had imparted in his funeral address, he would have to follow himself the very next day. Elder Dunn's memory of this experience follows:

        In sharing the traumatic experience of the sudden loss of one's cherished daughter in this way, I saw the tender, father side of President Harold B. Lee. We knelt in prayer, and while it was one of the most heart-tugging experiences I have ever had, it was also one of my most spiritual blessings. I learned from this experience how a man reacts who is really under fire with his apostolic calling. I saw there the making of a prophet; I saw how a man destined to be a prophet truly acts under pressure.

        I'm not implying that that's why his daughter died, but certainly the Lord permitted it to happen. President Lee was struck down by this blow, as any father would be in the loss of a loved one, a precious daughter. But to witness that even in that terrible moment the adversary still didn't have control, I thought, was one of the greatest lessons of my life.

        Elder Lee's journal captures his immediate sorrow. He wrote: "My heart is broken as I contemplate the passing of my darling 'Sunshine' and the great need that Ernie and her family of four little ones have for her."

        Elder Lee's plane was delayed forty-five minutes in leaving Honolulu and to his already abundant worries came the additional concern that he might not make a tight connection at Los Angeles. Elder Lee called this plane trip "the longest and most tortuous ride I have ever taken. It seemed like an eternity."

        At the end of the flight in Salt Lake City was awaiting the most sad and shattering scene of his life:

        I found all my little families at the airport. I was completely overwhelmed and could hardly control myself physically or emotionally when I saw the little motherless family with Ernie. I went to our home to lay plans for the days ahead. All of us seemed to be in a daze from the shock and the strain of my darling Maurine's passing. This seemed to compound my sorrow in losing Fern three years ago next month.

Maurine Lee Wilkins

        Four years later Elder Lee preached about this never-to-be-forgotten scene, at a stake conference in the Brigham Young University Sixth Stake. At that time his recollection was:

        Suddenly, and without warning, that little mother was snatched away in a moment. The pleadings of Grandfather over in the Hawaiian Islands and the piteous cries for the mercies of the Almighty to spare her were unavailing. And in the hospital, surrounded by doctors with all the medical skill that they could summon, she slipped away. The children were called, and around the lonely table in the family room they sat with bowed heads sobbing their hearts out. The grandfather was summoned to come and that night flew home, and all the family were at the plane to meet him, hoping that surely he could do something to lift the burden. And with arms surrounding that little family the grandfather said: "I do not know how you can be so brave. Grandfather is crying his heart out and you stand here with your arms around each other, seemingly with no tears." And one of them said: "Grandfather, we have no more tears to shed. We have cried our tears away all day long."

         That drama was enacted right here in your community. I was the recipient of that phone call; I was the grandfather who pleaded at five o'clock in the morning, "Please, God, don't let her die." But it was as though our Heavenly Father was saying, "I have other plans," and all the faith that could be mustered was unavailing.

            Life had to go on and the shocked family in Provo needed loving administration. Aunt Helen never left the family those first two weeks. The bags she had packed for a two-week vacation, which was aborted at the news of Maurine's death, served Helen well as she stayed to take care of her sister's grief-stricken family. That first night she slept with Maurine's daughter, twelve-year-old Marlee, to comfort her. This little flaxen-haired girl had a dream so vivid that she awakened, gripped her aunt by the arm, and said: "Aunt Helen, I've had such a funny dream! I dreamed we were sitting in the family room with Mother-you and me and Jane [her cousin]. Mother was sewing a button on Jay's shirt. [Jay was her younger brother.] We were all talking while Mother sewed. Jay came in and said he was sad because Mother was gone, and I said, 'No she's not gone-see, she's right here-can't you see her?' Jay couldn't understand what I was saying, and I asked you and Jane if you could see her, and you just smiled. None of you could see her, but I could-I knew she was there. Isn't that funny, Aunt Helen?"

        Aunt Helen, conditioned by the wise teachings received in her childhood home, replied: "No, Martsy dear, that's not just a funny dream. I think it's Heavenly Father's way of letting you know that even though your mommy has been taken from you, she can still be with you when you need her. You won't always be able to see her as you did in your dream, but she'll be close by and you'll feel her presence. Remember your dream, Martsy, when you're sad and lonesome for her, and it will help to make you feel better." Reassured, Marlee went back to sleep.

        The passing of Maurine Lee Wilkins was not just a family tragedy. It sent an entire community into grief. As her friends and acquaintances gathered at the Berg Mortuary in Provo, Utah, visiting stretched beyond the announced hours of 6:00 P.M. to 8:00 P.M., extending from 5:30 PM. until 10:30 P.M. It was one of the most amazing expressions of genuine sorrow ever displayed in the passing of a young LDS community leader, who had been active in church, Parent-Teachers Association, politics, faculty wives groups of Brigham Young University, and the Chamber of Commerce.

        The funeral services were held at noon on August 30, 1963, in the East Sharon Stake Center. Elder Lee recorded his impressions of the funeral in these words: "Elder Marion G. Romney's closing sermon was a masterpiece, full of faith and hope and sound of doctrine. He was right when he said "the veil was very thin." We brought Maurine to Salt Lake to be buried in our family plot, opposite her mother. This gave us much comfort."

        Five days later the grieving Elder Lee began to feel some hope, yet he couldn't find full relief from his sorrow. He wrote: "Our heartbreaking experience in losing our darling Maurine seems to bear promise of binding our families together as we all seek to share in the heavy burdens of sorrow in our loss. Somehow I seem unable to shake off this latest shattering blow. Only God can help me!"

        In mid-September, 1965 Elder and Sister Lee took their heavy-hearted families to a cafeteria dinner, but the Church leader observed, "Ernie is still having a struggle with his emotions, as am I." When friends came to visit him, any recall of the harrowing events of Maurine's passing left Elder Lee upset, resulting in journal entries such as this: "My nerves were so disturbed that it took me until 1:30 a.m. before I could get to sleep." On September 28, 1965, he wrote: "It seems as though I was experiencing some reaction following the strains of the past months. I find it difficult to sleep."

        During the October general conference of that year Elder Lee was a speaker at the special missionary session on Friday night and the first speaker at the Sunday afternoon session. His subject related closely to his own experiences and feelings and severely taxed him. Of this he wrote: "I discovered this talk and the one on the subject of trials and tribulations were almost more than I could do." He had said to the capacity crowd in the Tabernacle: "As I advance in years, I begin to understand in some small measure how the Master must have felt [in the Garden of Gethsemane]. In the loneliness of a distant hotel room, 2,500 miles away, you too may one day cry out from the depths of your soul, as was my experience: 'O dear God, don't let her die! I need her; her family needs her.'"

        As always, holidays and anniversaries brought back memories and were the hardest days to emotionally surmount. November 13, 1965, was such an uneasy day. It was the eve of Fern's birthday and their wedding anniversary. But when Elder Lee arrived home late that night from attending a conference in the Klamath Stake near Portland, Oregon, tired and emotionally weary, his daughter Helen had a beautiful letter waiting for him to lift him over his depression. Despite this con, fort, it was after 2:00 A.M. before Elder Lee could quiet his nerves and fall asleep.

        Christmas 1965 offered another such emotional hurdle. Helen visited her father in early December and shared her ideas for spending the holidays together in a different way than ever before. She felt this would help them all to feel less keenly the loss of both Fern and Maurine.

        Accordingly, the entire Lee family spent two days before Christmas and the three clays following in a comfortable cabin home owned by kind friends in Kamas, Utah. All went well with little outward evidence of sorrow and sad remembrances of past Christmases. When they came down from their mountain cabin retreat after the holidays, Eider Lee left immediately for a trip to New York City. Upon his return he again recorded that he "had a sleepless night, perhaps due to a combination of a heavy heart and travel weariness."

        The grieving continued sporadically for another year or more as Elder Lee struggled to gain an emotional foothold and make a new life after the family deaths had registered their tremendous effect on him. On the first anniversary of Maurine's passing, with the memories of his losses poignantly on him, and analyzing the event one year later, he wrote this commentary in his journal: "This is the anniversary of Maurine's sudden passing while I was in Hawaii. ... I returned home that night to the saddest experience of my life, as I saw her shocked little family, hoping that Grandfather's return would somehow lift them above their tragic loss. Somehow my emotions and nervous tensions seem to have been intensified as the memories of Fern and Maurine come back to me now."

        Undoubtedly Maurine's unexpected death did produce the "saddest experience of [his] life." She was in her prime, her family needed her so desperately, and she had always produced a never-ending source of sunshine and happiness for all who knew her. Her passing compounded his grief in losing Fern.

        With one-half of his small family of four now taken away from him, Elder Lee's challenge was to courageously overcome his profound grief, which undoubtedly strengthened him for his future role as the Church's prophet. Certainly it filled his heart with empathy for all other sufferers. His funeral sermons and generous efforts at comforting the grieving souls about him, always a personal strength, now reached new heights of inspiration, in part because he had become acquainted with the bitter depths of despair. This experience was forever afterward a key to his spiritual power and compassionate service, and he learned to more fully appreciate the lesson taught in Hebrews 5:8-9: "Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him." The refining formula used by a loving Heavenly Father to season and prepare his son, the Savior Jesus Christ, while in the flesh, was also being applied for producing a mighty prophet of the last dispensation, Harold B. Lee,

(L. Brent Goates, Harold B. Lee: Prophet and Seer [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1985], 357.)