Although
"men are that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25), the world allows no
one to live without a measure of pain, suffering, and sorrow. Obviously, not
everyone suffers from the same problems. One observer said the root of suffering
is "nothing but loneliness, isolation, solitude." If this were true of
all suffering, the cure would be quite simple: draw the sufferer out of himself.
However, the problem is vastly more complex. It is possible, though, to group
types of suffering into three basic categories: sorrow and grief, physical pain,
and guilt.
Sorrow and
grief are felt by the many sufferers who have lost a loved one to death; those
who have seen someone they respect or love fall from a station of self-respect
because of sin, drug abuse, alcoholism, marital infidelity, or some similar
indiscretion; and those who find themselves troubled with the general human
condition—wars, crime, bigotry, hypocrisy, and so on. Those who suffer from
physical pain make up such a large group—all mankind, really—that it is
impossible to identify all the causes of pain. Whether the pain is caused by a
toothache, an abscess, a tumor, a strained muscle, an eyelash, or a pin prick,
the problem is real and personal.
Suffering from
guilt, especially guilt caused by sin, is probably the most difficult kind of
suffering to talk about or even to admit to oneself, much less to a friend, a
relative, or a Church leader.
Each kind of
suffering usually has a cure, and some of the cures are actually easy to
prescribe. The cure for suffering caused by guilt from sin is repentance, which
is easily recommended but seldom easily done. The cure for physical pain is to
heal the source of the pain, which is usually disease. Often, healing the body
includes restoring psychological health as well. Physical illnesses are
frequently related to family, social, and employment problems.
No theological
or philosophical issue has caused Christians more trouble than that of
suffering, pain, and evil. "How can you believe in the goodness of
God," someone asks, "when there is so much evil in the world?"
Newspaper headlines seem to cry out in witness against the goodness and mercy of
God: "One hundred thousand die in Bangladesh cyclone"; "Several
millions starving in Africa"; "Five pedestrians killed by deranged
woman in Reno." "How," the skeptic asks, "can you account
for such a world?"
The restored
gospel gives better answers to these questions than does any other religion or
philosophy. God is the father of our spirits. We lived with him in his celestial
realm before we came here, and he explained the purpose of our existence and the
necessity of living away from him for a time. We were to gain physical bodies
and to be tested to see how well we would live by faith. We were given freedom
of choice, and our choices would determine whether or not we would someday
return to our Father, having learned to be like him. Because of the improper
choices of ourselves and others, we would suffer pain, sorrow, evil, and
tribulations of all kinds. But to those of us who understood God's plan, it was
plain that we could not grow and progress without agency and its results. To
remove the consequences of our sins and mistakes would be to destroy agency
itself, and thus any progress we might make.
Try to imagine
a world without a negative side, a world without hunger and sickness, without
failure and disappointment, without injustice, hatred, oppression, and death.
Such a world would be devoid of spiritual strength, growth, adventure, zest. It
would be a world without compassion, courage, helpfulness, hope, integrity,
love. In Henry Thomas's words, "Evil, then, is a hurdle for the exercise of
the muscles of the soul. Good is not the absence of evil. It is the
active and incessant advancement against evil." Suffering, pain, and
evil must be allowed their influences. Without them we could never enjoy their
opposites.
Just as some
people misunderstand the need for the negative side of life, others misinterpret
the word love, especially when it is applied to God. The scriptures say
that God is love. (1 John 4:8.) But certainly that is not all God is.
Indeed, the Lord chastens those whom he loves. (Hebrews 12:6.) He chastened even
the Savior himself: "Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the
things which he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8.) We err if we think God's sole
purpose is to give us comfort. Consider C. S. Lewis's view: "We want, in
fact, not so much a Father in Heaven as a grandfather in heaven—a senile
benevolence who, as they say, 'liked to see young people enjoying themselves,'
and whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the
end of each day, 'a good time was had by all.'" fn Latter-day Saints do not
believe in such a God. Our God expects work, progress, effort, and every other
good quality. He wants us to grow through experience.
Sometimes
Church members are shocked when a young missionary dies. "Why would God
allow such a thing?" they ask. Reflection would bring to mind the
sufferings and death of both the Savior and of Joseph Smith. Righteousness in no
way assures one of physical or mental comfort. All hell raged against the
Prophet Joseph while he was in Liberty Jail. After recounting a catalog of
evils, persecutions, and suffering—seemingly more than any mortal could bear—the
Lord said to Joseph: "Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give
thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (D&C 122:7; italics
added.) Herein lies an important principle: The Lord cares about our reactions,
our attitudes toward suffering, pain, and sorrow. The specific circumstances or
conditions do not matter much. God allows the world to have its way. The issue
is how we react to the world.
Knowing this,
however, does not shut off the pain when we hurt. Sometimes pain is so constant
it can impede or impair "the sufferer's ability to work and to think
clearly, [and] prevents his sleep, abolishes appetite, lowers morale, and may
even destroy his will to help himself survive." When pain is severe, you as
a counselor should make sure the person has received adequate medical attention
and that appropriate prayers have been said and priesthood blessings
administered. (See D&C 42:48.) You should also consider the person's
environment and way of life. Pain is not always caused by physical problems.
"Some recent evidence," writes David Bakan, "suggests that
disease may be conceived of as a manifestation of a deeper disorder involving
the total condition of the individual and that a specific disease from which any
individual appears to be suffering may be regarded as its manifestation."
fn Dr. Hans Selye, in the Stress of Life, suggests that behind the
obvious causes of pain or disease are other causes not so obvious:
If a man is hit over the head with the club of a
policeman and suffers permanent brain damage from the injury, it seems rather
obvious that his disease was caused by the club. But if you come to think of
it, the blow was not the real first cause; it was but one link in the sequence
of a chain-reaction that eventually led to brain injury. What actually
happened may have been that the officer asked the man not to loiter, whereupon
the latter reacted violently insulting and assailing the policeman, who in
turn hit him over the head with the club. So, in fact, the principle,
immediate cause of the man's injury was his own unwarranted, aggressive
behavior. fn
Such reasoning
raises many questions. Are we not the cause of many of our diseases and pains?
If we are overweight, if we fail to exercise, if we eat too much, if we fail to
get enough sleep (or get too much sleep), if we don't drive safely, if we smoke,
if we drink alcoholic beverages, or if we use drugs unwisely, who is to blame
for the pain and disease that follow? If we work in unhealthy, stressful, or
dangerous conditions, are we not to some degree responsible for the negative
consequences? If our families are unhappy because of our selfishness or lack of
concern, are we not creating the conditions that will ultimately bring us pain
and sorrow? Clearly, counselors are responsible to advise behavior changes to
solve problems. For example, most of us have friends who are dangerously
overweight. They have shortness of breath, high blood pressure, fatigue, and low
self-esteem. Such people usually need help beyond what we can give as friends.
Competent medical or psychological help (or both) should be advised in a direct
but kind manner.
Although we
often cause many of our own problems, it is a mistake to condemn ourselves or a
suffering friend and conclude that the Lord is inflicting suffering and pain as
a punishment for sins. We've all heard people say that if someone had not
sinned, he would not be undergoing trials and suffering. As friends and
advisers, we have no right to judge others. (Bishops and stake presidents, of
course, have the calling to judge, but the rest of us do not.) Consider Joseph
Smith's counsel: "It is a false idea that the Saints will escape all the
judgments, whilst the wicked suffer; for all flesh is subject to suffer. . . .
So that it is an unhallowed principle to say that such and such have
transgressed because they have been preyed upon by disease or death, for all
flesh is subject to death; and the Savior has said, 'Judge not, lest ye be
judged."' fn
It is best to
help a suffering person know he is loved of God and that the Lord is mindful of
all who suffer: "All things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work
together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord." (D&C
98:3.)
Sorrow and
grief are some of the most difficult problems to help people overcome. The key
to helping is to provide a broader perspective of the problem. If mortality were
the whole of existence, pain, sorrow, failure, and seeming inequities would be a
calamity. But the larger view helps us to know that there is never any loss
without a new beginning. Several years ago I lost a dear friend and several of
his family members in a plane crash. My friend was gone, but another mutual
friend who also loved the departed redoubled his efforts to live righteously. As
President Kimball has said, "there is no tragedy in death, but only in
sin." fn "We cannot always understand the plans of the Almighty,"
wrote Elder Melvin J. Ballard, "but I feel sure that He does all things
well and that sometimes the thing that seems almost like a disaster is a
blessing in disguise. The only thing that matters is that we keep the right
attitude. It is only when we become bitter that we let it change our whole
lives, but when we can keep our courage and keep our eyes upon the mark and
still go on toward our destiny, that is what matters. All these trials become
purifying influences in our lives and leave us purer gold by and by." fn
For those who
sorrow and grieve because of the iniquities and failings of other men, the best
help is to remind them of the positive side of life and that God is just in all
his dealings with mankind. We will be judged for our own sins and not for Adam's
transgression. Nor must we be overly sorrowful for the sins of others,
even the sins of close relatives. Sorrow should bring us to action. It should
teach us the bounds of human endurance. It should motivate us to love others who
have fallen. Sorrow for sinners should remind us of our own shortcomings and
failings, but too much sorrow is debilitating and will impede our progress and
impair our spiritual health.
Although those
who suffer sometimes resist seeing anything worthwhile in life, it is,
nevertheless, basic to their recovery that they recognize the positive. Courage
to see advantages and gains rather than disadvantages and drawbacks will help
relieve fears and tensions and create a calmer atmosphere in which to live. The
Lord does not expect us to give in to pain and suffering or to be fatalistic and
resigned to it. Man has an obligation to battle the negative side effects of his
mortal environment.
Courage is
based on spiritual conviction. And spiritual conviction cannot be turned on like
tap water. It is more like a deep well or an underground stream. During an
unusually severe drought, when even the canals are dried and parched, the first
trees to die are not those on the plains, but the lush, healthy ones that grow
along the canals. Why? Because the trees on the flat, hot countryside have of
necessity put down deeper and deeper roots over the years. The trees by the
canals have had no need to stretch deep to survive. Without resources, they are
the first to die. In a similar manner, people who do not have deep spiritual
roots, convictions, and courage will have a difficult time adjusting in times of
crisis. There is value in helping a troubled friend prepare now for future
crises. Life will bring sudden reversals. Help your suffering loved one to
decide now his reactions to future difficulties. Imagining how he will handle a
problem the next time it occurs can create emotional stability.
Children, too,
should be helped to recognize that misfortune befalls everyone. Those who are
shielded from problems will seldom be aware of the misfortunes of others. Nor
will they be aware of their own vulnerability in life. Like plants raised in a
hothouse where the temperature never varies, they will have a hard time
adjusting to the fluctuations of the real world. To those who have not known
pain, pain seems unjust when it strikes. But pain and sorrow have nothing to do
with justice. Our ability to cope rests on how realistically we face the
inevitable suffering life brings us. Trials can help us develop tenderness,
gentleness, and greater competence to deal with life.
Certainly it is
unwise to seek trouble. But neither should we be afraid to confront and deal
with reality. Contemporary customs so diminish the impact of death, childbirth,
and many other special and sacred moments that their meaning is often lost.
George Wald, a Nobel Prize winner, thoughtfully wrote, "Just realize, I am
69 and I have never seen a person die. I have never even been in the same house
while a person died. How about birth? An obstetrician invited me to see my first
birth only last year. Just think, these are the greatest events of life and they
have been taken out of our experience. We somehow hope to live full emotional
lives when we have carefully expunged the sources of the deepest human emotions.
When you have no experience of pain, it is rather hard to experience joy."
fn People should be helped to realize that some of life's sweetest moments
accompany those events that are most difficult to face.
Many people try
to get through their problems alone. But a key to being healed is to accept help
from friends and loved ones. And if a sufferer listens to others, he will find
that he does not suffer alone. Suffering and sorrow also diminish when the
sufferer does something for someone else.
Sin is the one
cause of suffering over which we have control. The world has attempted to deny
its existence. Psychologists have sometimes substituted the word symptom for
sin. Freudians have sometimes attempted to rid their patients of guilt
feelings by telling them there is no such thing as sin. Nevertheless, sin is
real.
There is no
need to catalog the multitude of sins. It is enough to say that when a person is
suffering because he has sinned, the cure is repentance. But those who suffer
should be sure their sins are real. Some Church members may suffer needlessly
because of imagined offenses or because of the overzealousness of a few
well-meaning but thoughtless people. Frequently, young mothers are exhausted
with the struggle to remain solvent on a meager budget, to keep several
youngsters clean and fed, and to carry on the duties of Churchworker and wife
all at the same time. Counselors might read Ecclesiastes 3:1 with concerned
young mothers: "To everything there is a season, and a time to every
purpose under the heaven."
But if sins are
real, you may be able to help your friend muster the courage to repent. You can
also be of great help if you review the meaning of the atonement of Jesus
Christ. Church leaders occasionally meet with a member who has read Doctrine and
Covenants 1:31: "For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree
of allowance." But the member either forgets to read or refuses to see the
next verse. "Nevertheless, he that repents and does the commandments of the
Lord shall be forgiven." It is often harder to forgive ourselves than to
forgive others. We tend to demand more of ourselves. In fact, we sometimes look
at the best qualities of our five or ten best friends and wonder why we do not
have all of them. Help your troubled friend evaluate the nature of his sins (as
far as is appropriate if you are not a bishop, branch president, or other
authorized Church leader), understand the steps of repentance, have faith in the
Atonement, and forgive himself.
Regardless of
the source of suffering, the most important thing you can do to help is to be a
true friend. You must share the grief, the pain, the sorrow. But in some
instances you must make it gently clear that the problem belongs to the person
who is suffering. Only he, with the help of the Lord, can finally recover
wholeness and emotional stability. As a counselor, you can do much to help your
friend know that he is loved and of value. Few things are more important.
Suffering, Pain, and Evil: Notes
1. C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain (New York: Macmillan Publishing
Co., 1962), p. 40.
2. J. C. White and W. H. Sweet, Pain: Its Mechanisms and Neurosurgical
Control (Springfield, Ill.: Charles C. Thomas, 1955), p. 99.
3. David Bakan, Disease, Pain, and Sacrifice: Toward a Psychology of
Suffering (Chicago and London: University of Chicago Press, 1968), p. 13.
4. Hans Selye, The Stress of Life (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Co.,
1956), pp. 128-29.
5. Joseph Smith, History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, 7 vols., 2nd ed. rev., edited by B. H. Roberts (Salt Lake
City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1948) 4:11.
6. Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (Salt Lake City:
Deseret Book Co. 1972), p. 101.
7. Melvin R. Ballard, comp., Melvin J. Ballard . . . Crusader for
Righteousness (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1967), p. 275.
8. Philip Yancey, Where Is God When It Hurts? (Grand Rapids: Zondervan
Publishing House, 1977), p. 41.
Suggested Readings
Jack S. Bailey, Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled: Answers to Problems of
Human Suffering (Bountiful, Utah: Horizon Publishers, 1976).
Spencer W. Kimball, "Death—Tragedy or Destiny, " in Faith
Precedes the Miracle (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1972).
Philip Yancey, Where Is God When It Hurts? (Grand Rapids:
Zondervan Publishing House, 1977).
