I assume that all of you are here, at least in part, because you want to change something within you--or maybe a few of you are here because you want to change someone else. (A difficult challenge since we can't change anybody but ourselves; but we can have a significant influence on others.)

    If there is anyone here that hasn't unsuccessfully tried to change something about themselves, please see me after this class, so I can get your ideas. For that matter, any of you who have methods that have been very helpful for you that we don't talk about, I would appreciate it if you would share them with me. Notice the title of this session, Becoming what you want to become." I recognize, however, that we will not become perfected in all things in this life, but what we will talk about will help us towards that goal. Please note these two quotations from the Prophet Joseph Smith and also from Elder Joseph Fielding Smith--who became President Joseph Fielding Smith. 

When you climb up a ladder, you must begin at the bottom, and ascend step by step, until you arrive at the top; and so it is with the gospel--you must begin with the first and go on until you learn all of the principles of exaltation. But it will be a great while after you have passed through the veil before you will have learned them. It is not all to comprehended in this world; it will be a great work to learn our salvation and exaltation even beyond the grave (Prophet Joseph Smith, TPJS, P. 348).

... There will be greater progress beyond the grave, and it will be there that the faithful will overcome all things, and receive all things, even the fullness of the Father's glory. I believe the Lord meant just what he said: That we should be perfect, as our Father in Heaven is perfect. That will not come all at once, but line upon line, and precept upon precept, example upon example, and even then not as long as we live in this mortal life, for we will have to go even beyond the grave before we reach that perfection and shall be like God. But here we lay the foundation (Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, DS 2:18)

    President Gordon B. Hinckley at the BYU-Idaho spring graduation this year stated, "Man's greatness lies not in perfection, but in striving for it." Also, "only human" is an ultimate insult to what man is and his potential. 

Healthy and Lasting behavior change occurs when and if, 

1.) A person believes and feels he/she is of worth. Most helpful to know that one is a child of God. Interchange between King Mufasa and his cub, Simba, in the "The Lion King," "You have forgotten who you are because you have forgotten me." 

2.) A person believes he has control over changes.

3.) Change is accelerated and sometimes only if he/she believes that Our Heavenly Father and the Savior will help in making those changes.

4.) A person believes there is something better.

5.) A person receives reinforcement for proximate changes made.

6.) A person feels uncomfortable, but not overwhelmed without changing and sees a plausible direction to go.

7.) A person is helped to analyze and understand his / her experiences.

    Our focus will be on becoming what we want to be, not what others may want us to be. (Incidentally, we won't become what they want us to be unless at some time we decide we want to). Even then, change is difficult. Why?

The Challenge of Chang

Influence of past experiences. 

Soak, joke, coke, egg white demonstration.

To illustrate, elephant tied to stake, and yet could pick up load of 1 ton or more with trunk.

D & C 93:39, "And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of tradition of their fathers." 

NAM "What's in your mind and heart controls your behavior." 

Bindweed illustration, (See of may sprout after lying quiescent in the soil for 40 years) hoe every 3 or 3 weeks.

Epicene of all of us of having a word or thought re-occur that we thought we had eliminated. Confucius--"You may not be able to keep a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep him from building a next in your hair." It takes time & persistence. Illustration of Barbara at Camelot Resort. 

We live in a Telestial world with all that means.

We have both a mortal physical and a spiritual body and the accompanying challenges. 

The adversary--two major goals of, to keep us from realizing our potential and have us be miserable in the process. 

Limitations of this presentation

    Only a few of the Gospel principles of change are reviewed.

Promise and hope for change

Spencer W. Kimball said: "The gospel is a CAN program, not a CAN'T one." 

D & C 58:27-28 "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will. and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves." 

President Benson said:  "We must not lose hope. Hope is an anchor to the souls of men. Satan would have us cast away that anchor. In this way he can bring discouragement and surrender. But we must not lose hope. The Lord is pleased with every effort, even the tiny, daily ones in which we strive to be more like Him. Though we may see that we have far to go on the road to perfection, we must not give up hope.."  (A Mighty Change of Heart,  Ensign, 10/89;5) 

Desire

    Desire is related to:

1.) Internalized knowledge of correct principles.
2.) Faith that desirable change can occur
3.) Hope that change can occur
4.) Hope that desirable consequences will occur following change.

     John McEnroe, a tennis superstar, asked to name the single most important quality in a tennis champion, "I would have to say desire, staying in there and winning matches when you are not playing that well ... All champions have that quality. They don't give up, they dig into something extra ... That is a necessity if not playing that well ... All champions have that quality. They don't give up, they dig into something extra .. That is a necessity  if you really want to be considered a champion."

    Muhammad Ali: "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision ... they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." Forgoing two quotations from Harvey Mackay. "Daily Herald," 8/4/02, pp. C1 & C2.

    Merlin Olsen-At age 5, his mother asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "An athlete." Mother concerned-one of this grandmothers was 4' 9", the other, 5' 1" his father was 5' 7". One of the things we don't have much control over in our height. He was the last 1 to be chosen, if chosen at all, in athletic events for several years. In the 9th grade, he was trying out for basketball. He was called into the coach's office and told, "Merlin, why don't you try writing for the school newspaper." One must believe in self. Merlin-Success begins with knowing where you want to go. The greatest power we enjoy is the power of choice.

    Sheri Dew and the piano-mother kept her practicing despite her whining. Eventually the studied piano for 15 years. Somewhere she got a vision of how it would feel to play so beautifully that others' hearts would soar. "Once I had a vision of the possibilities, the motivation to master the piano came from inside."  Whenever she would start a new piece, she would first master and memorize the Big Finish, visualizing her audience jumping to its feet in excitement. It took a vision of her potential to increase her motivation to a very successful level. Sheri Dew goes on to say:   

I pleaded with God to change my circumstances, because I believed I could never be happy until He did. Instead, He changed my heart. I asked him to take away my burden but He strengthened me so I cold bear my burdens with ease (see Mosiah 24:15)  (This Is A Test. It Is Only A Test,  Ensign, July 2000, pp. 62 & 65).

    Tina Wesson illustration, winner of the latest "Survivor" series, outlasted heat, flooding, starvation and backstabbing to win $1 million prize. She has a mild case of RA, rheumatoid arthritis. When asked how she felt when on survivor, (p. 65) she said the best in the seven years since being diagnosed with arthritis-two reasons given, prayer and diet. Her motto, "life isn't always easy, but it is always a gift...."  (Arthritis Today, July-August, 2002, pp. 62-66, 75-76, 78)

    Dorothy Leone-Glasser, has lived with systemic lupus erythematosus for over 20 years. Predicted to live 3-5. She became a registered nurse and interned in mental health counseling. She has started the Coping Program for people with arthritis. "She learned early to focus on her strengths, not her weaknesses."  Arthritis Today, July-August 2002, p. 47.

    Donkey in the well-from Harvey Mackay column.

    Brother James MacArthur, President of BYU 10th Stake. Three of his four grandparents were alcoholics, two of his brothers, were drug addicts-one on cocaine and one heroin. As a young boy his father set the curtains on fire to burn the house down-with Jim in it. Jim accepted the Gospel and was baptized at age 17. He states, "Had I not experienced the darkness, I would not have appreciated the light-the light of the Gospel. Although the Gospel hasn't made life easy, it has made sense out of it... The earth was prepared to be a bumpy road, not to defeat us, but to educate us." 

    Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision, the people perish." 

Setting healthy goals

    Importance of determining and writing out goals think them and then ink them--for exactness, focus (e.g., if you have steps in your home, how many do you have?) and to clarify, to see where you are for even a compass and map won't help you unless you know where you are. Writing makes them more meaningful, more motivating; helps to make them live in us, facilitates commitment--another essential that we won't really discuss, e.g. turning while skiing.

Reticular Activating System (RAS) Camper shell purchase, Camry purchase.
(-) Counting backwards activity
D &  20:22 "He suffered temptations but gave no heed unto them."
We move towards and become like that which we accept as possible for ourselves and continue to think about.
(-) Writing with pen and then pencil illustration.
What are the benefits of achieving this goal?
Why have I not already achieved it? What do I need to give up to achieve it? Am I willing to pay the price?
What additional resources, if any, or support do I need to achieve it? Why do I now think that I can achieve it? When do I plan to achieve it?
What weaknesses do I have or what persons and /or environmental factors might interfere with my achievement, and what will I do about them?
How will I handle distractions, failures, delays--if they occur?
A signed commitment with reinforces, if need be, that I will use along the way to help me.

Our nature and the nature of God, value of knowing

To change, must have HOPE that change is possible and have FAITH, that not only is change possible, but I can change. (Self-efficacy, Albert Bandura)   

Holding book, or other object, demonstration 

"All men that are in a state of nature, or I would say, in a carnal state, are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; they are without God in the world, and they have gone contrary to the nature of God; therefore, they are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness." Alma 41:11

Joseph Smith (TPJS), p. 343, "If men do not comprehend the character of God, they do not comprehend themselves."

"O God, Aaron hat told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou are God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day." Alma 22:18

So we can become anything, or achieve anything that is in harmony with our divine nature and mission and in harmony with God's will.

President John Taylor: 

Have you forgot hat you are aiming to become Kings and Priests to the Lord, and Queens and Priestesses to Him? Have you forgot that you are associated with the Saints of God in Zion, where the oracles of truth are revealed, and the truths of God are made manifest, and clearly developed; where you and you r posterity after you can learn the ways of life and salvation; where you are placed in a position that you can obtain blessings from the great Eloheim, that will rest upon you and your posterity worlds without end? ... Have you forgot that you came from God, that He is your Father?" Journal of Discourses, 1: 372.

Letting go of past mistakes and failures

Alma 42:29 "And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down into repentance." 

Philippians 3:13-14  "Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

NET. His stated key to success - Never looking back.

Brigham Young said: "If the brethren who profess to be Saints, and do wrong, would reveal the root of the matter, and tell the whole truth, it would be, 'I have a desire to do a great deal of good, but the devil is always at my elbow, and I always like to keep the old gentleman so that I can put my hand upon him, for I want to use him sometimes.' That is the reason why men and women are overcome with evil. Again, I can charge you with what you will all plead guilty of, if you would confess the truth, viz., you dare not quite give up all your hearts to God, and become sanctified throughout, and be led by the Holy Ghost from morning until evening, and from one year's end to another."  (Journal of Discourses 2:132).

Guy De Maupassant's "A Piece of String." As shared by Elder Sterling W. Sill in February 4, 1967 Church publication pg. 13.
    One of the most famous short stories ever written is the masterpiece of Guy DeMaupassan'ts entitled "A Piece of String." The story's central figure is a Norman peasant by the name of Maitre Huchecorne. One day as he was walking through a busy market place, the frugal old peasant saw a bit of twine lying on the ground. He stooped down and picked it up. Later he was accused of having picked up a wallet lost at hat spot.
    He protested his innocence and exhibited the string, but he was arrested and taken to the police station. The next day the lost wallet was found, but Maitre Hauchecorne was unable to forget his insult and began to brood over it. He told all of his friends about the incident. Finally they piece of string became an obsession.
    He neglected his farm to go about telling strangers how he had been mistreated and wrongly accused. Eventually the old peasant died of a broken heart. And in the delirium preceding his death, he was still mumbling something about a "piece of string." 
    It is thought that in this story Mr. DeMaupassant has touched on one of the most serious weaknesses in the lives of many people. Sometimes a fault or grievance gets caught in our minds in such a way that we can't forget it and it often stays there until it has ruined our lives. Remembering is important. But as serious as is our problem of not being able to remember, we often have an even more serious one in not being able to forget.
    Because Mairtre Hauchecorne couldn't forget his injury, he had fallen down in his work, made himself ill and unhappy and had finally died of a broken heart.
    But millions of other people are also allowing their grudges and grievances to ruin their lives with or without cause. It might be an interesting experiment to examine ourselves occasionally and see how frequently each month we re-enact Mr. DeMaupassant's story of a "Piece of String." We go around mumbling to ourselves while our grievances turn our spirits sour and often cause our nervous systems to collapse.
    Sometime ago I heard a very prominent man by the name of Mr. X tell of having done an important piece of work for a client. In payment the client sent him a check that was less than 10 per cent of what the worker thought it was worth.
    To the worker the idea was so ridiculous and the payment was such an insult that he couldn't think of  becoming a party to the farce by cashing it. Instead he decided to keep the check as a souvenir. Accordingly he put it under the glass on the top of his desk, where it soon became an unusual conversational piece. He took a kind of poisonous pleasure in telling people how absurdly he had been treated by his friend.
    Each time he looked at the check and retold the story, those same damaging emotions that killed Maitre Hauchecorne were again circulated through his own mind and nervous system. And at each retelling the bitterness was increased and the would became a little deeper. 
    It is important to remember that the human mechanism can only stand so much. Like every piece of machinery the human heart, personality and nervous system also have a breaking point. As we pile one problem on top of another the lade may eventually get heavy enough to cause a crack up.
    Finally a friend seeing the damage that was being done to Mr. X as he reran these evil emotions through his mind said to him "Henry I want you to take that check out from under the glass and ash it. Then I want you to spend the money and completely forget the whole affair. I don't want you to ever tell that story again to anyone and I don't want you to ever think of it again. In addition" he said, "I want you to completely forgive the one who you think has so seriously insulted you, and then wash every trace of it out of your system and go back to work."
    It has been wisely suggested that one of the most effective success devices is under some circumstances to make full use of those two little golden words "forget it." In the first place, it is significant to remember that most of the offenses committed against us were never meant to be offenses.
    And as Brigham Young once said, "He who takes offense where none was intended is a fool." We might go a little farther and say that he who takes offense even where it was intended is a fool.
    There is a proverb that says, "I will not let mine enemy make me sin." If someone does us an evil turn why should we get down on his level by returning the insult? Or why should we sin against ourselves by rerunning some unworthy things through  the delicate tissues of our minds and nervous systems? 
    No on ever goes very far in life without running into some disagreements, or differences of opinion. These should never be allowed to become malignant, but they should be kept out on the table in the sunlight where they can be handled as problems to be solved.
    Our greatest danger often comes from our own resentments and our poisonous negative thinking. How ridiculous to go around with our pockets full of Mr. Mauchecorne's string to remind ourselves of all of the grievance we have against the world.
    Mr. Hauchecorne not only allowed his accuser to humiliate him, but he also gave his accuser the power to make him fail in his work, destroy his own health, wreck his own happiness, and finally cause his death. The dictionary says that to "resent" is to fell a sharp sense of indignant displeasure, and at all costs we must refrain from rerunning those poisonous feelings through the delicate tissues of our lives. 

Monitoring out Thoughts, Words and Behavior

"But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not." Mosiah 4:30 

I suggest we change the words we use. For example words like I can't; I must, Have to, etc.; that's just the way I am.

"For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." Matthew 12:37

Change is a process

"... I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have." 2 Nephi 28:30

President Benson "... We must remember that most repentance does not involve sensational or dramatic changes, but rather is a step-by-step steady, and consistent movement toward godliness." A Mighty Change of Heart  Ensign 10/89:5.

    This can be facilitated by writing in a journal. I know you may not like to write, but you will almost certainly make more progress if you record your progress in changing, noting even the smallest changes. (Analogy of large gate and radius where mounted as compared to end of gate.)

    Moroni had three steps to perfection 

"And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot." Moroni 10:32

Nourishing the spirit within us. Moroni 6:4 

And after they had been received unto baptism, and were wrought upon and cleansed by the power of the Holy Ghost, they were numbered among the people of the church of Christ; and their names were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually watchful unto prayer, relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of their faith.

President Spencer W. Kimball said:

James gave a formula for conquering: "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (Jas. 4:7.) In abandoning evil, transforming lives, changing personalities, molding characters or remolding them, we need the help of the Lord, and we may be assured of it if we do our part. The man who leans heavily upon his Lord becomes the master of self and can accomplish anything he sets out to do, whether it be to secure the brass plates, build a ship, overcome a habit, or conquer a deep-seated transgression. He who has greater strength than Lucifer, he who is our fortress and our strength, can sustain us in times of great temptation. While the Lord will never forcibly take anyone out of sin or out of the arms of the tempters, he exerts his Spirit to induce the sinner to do it with divine assistance. And the man who yields to the sweet influence and pleadings of the Spirit and does all in his power to stay in a repentant attitude is guaranteed protection, power, freedom and joy. (Miracle of Forgiveness, p 176).

Miscellaneous quotes

Euripides said "No man is free who is not master of himself."  Aristotle said "The hardest victory is the victory over self."

Choices

    Read this. Let it really sink in. Then choose how you start your day-Tomorrow. Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say: When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I could be twins!"

    H was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day. Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

    Michael replied, "each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

    Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life." 

    "Yeah, right. It's not that easy," I protested.

    "Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life." 

    I reflected on what Michael said. Soon there after, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reaching to it.

    Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care. Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident too place. 

    "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I cold choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live." 

    "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

    Michael continued, "... the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses. I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man." I knew I needed to take action." 

    "What did you do?" I asked.

    "Well there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. Yes " I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity." Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

    Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

    I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. 

    "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.

    After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Summary and testimony
We can change. The Gospel has the answers not only to what we are to become, but how to become. We have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who stand at the door with outstretched hands willing to assist us and inviting us to become like them and to come to them.