When you believe someone close to you has a problem with pornography or other sexual behavior, a natural period of denial occurs. Denial blocks the devastation of accepting that a loved one may have a sexual problem. After denial wears off, you probably feel inadequate, deceived, isolated, rejected, angry, responsible, shameful, betrayed, loss of relationship, sadness, desperation, confusion, or fear of being alone. The first step of a friend, family or another helping is to move beyond denial towards accepting that a loved one has a problem. Most professionals believe that the use of pornography, online sexual or preoccupation with sex in general, can in many cases become an addiction. Often it is helpful to view a sexual problem as an addiction rather than a moral problem. Although, it is clear that a person with a sexual addiction, also has a moral concern.
        The important thing to remember is not to be an enabler. Rescuing the person with a pornography or other sexual behavior allows the unwanted sexual behavior to continue and helps the sexual addiction problem grow. Approach the person. It is necessary for others to communicate an acknowledgement of the problem, how he/she feels about it and what he/she wants the individual with the sexual problem, to do.
        In communicating with someone believed to have sexual problem use "I" or "we" statements such as "I worry about you when you're late...." Talk about signs focusing on behaviors and observations and your reaction to them: "I've noticed that when you ... this makes me feel..." Do not make threats you are not willing to follow through with.
        Part of coping with a loved one with a sexual problem is recognizing it takes time to change. You are not the cause of your partner's addiction, and you cannot be the cure. The problem is in him/her, and it is there that the battle must be fought and won. Battling this problem is not easy. You need to take care of yourself, seek out a a counselor or support group if necessary. Learn all you can about the problem. This will help avoid personalizing his/her problem onto you. Additionally, love him/her as toughly as s/he needs to be loved. Be willing to do whatever it takes to help him/her see what s/he is doing and his/her need to stop the cycle and start recovery as soon as possible.

What Not To Do
• Do not accept blame/responsibility. It's not your fault
• Do not ignore his/hers inappropriate sexual behavior
• Do not downplay the signs or rationalize
• Do not tolerate abusive behavior to yourself or to your children
• Do not cover for him/her with bosses, church leaders, or friends
• Do not argue, call names, or threaten
• Do not consent to your partner's unhealthy sexual demands
• Do not place yourself at risk for serious sexually transmitted disease

What To Do
• Be on the lookout for signs and symptoms of a sexual problem
• Communicate to him/her an acknowledgement of the problem
• Communicate to him/her hope, respect, and a willingness to support him/her in changing
• If the sexual behavior is illegal, report it to proper officials
• Reassure that you love him/her but want him or her to seek help

        As change begins to occur by initiating those behaviors discussed above, expect the person with a sexual problem to initially react with anything from denial and anger to blame/ guilty and hurt. He/she may try to play down your concerns or completely ignore you. You are not alone.
Information from: The National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families (NCPCF) 800 Compton Rd., Ste 9224, Cincinnati, OH 45231 Phone: (513) 521-6227 Fax: (513) 521-6337. Check out Internet information below.