STEP 2: DEVELOP A PERSONAL RECOVERY PLAN

Meet with the pornography user to review the following information. Overcoming a pornography habit requires a comprehensive personalized plan for change. A clear and specific plan gives the user direction and builds confidence. The plan should be developed by the user with assistance from the caregiver, spouse, family and at times clergy. An effective plan includes teaching the following principles and concepts, and encouraging commitment to the following behavior changes. The commitment to follow the plan is the key to stop using pornography. Beginning users may not need to complete all of the following tasks. The same plan discussed in this step, Develop a Personal Recovery Plan, can be used to eliminate masturbation.

Pornography in all of its forms is destructive and addictive. It may begin as a curious indulgence but can become a habit that takes control of the user’s life. It destroys spirituality and reduces feelings of self-worth. It perverts thought patterns, thereby making it difficult for the user to look at sexual intimacy in a wholesome and normal manner. It may affect the users’ ability to have a normal relationship with their spouse. It may lead the user to sexual behavior outside of marriage.

The form entitled Consequence Worksheet is an assignment designed for the user to complete. The purpose of this worksheet is to help the user understand the negative consequences of pornography use and the positive consequences of maintaining self control. This form is located in the Appendix section page 22. This worksheet can be copied as needed. Review the completed worksheet.

The following statement from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops summarizes the sacred nature of sexual relations.

"The Christian understanding of the body and sexuality is rooted scripturally in the creation accounts in the Book of Genesis that describe God’s loving creation of the body into which he breathes a life-giving spirit … Sexual intercourse is shown to be part of the divine plan of creation, as God commands humanity to ‘be fruitful and multiply’… Pornography offends against the divine plan for the body and for the intimacy of sexual union. It fixates on certain normal bodily functions in an immodest and obsessive way. It offends against chastity generically and in ways that reveal its specific evil… By putting on display both bodily functions normally kept private and acts of sexual intimacy, which belong properly to the love of husband and wife, pornography violates the respect due the body and robs sexual intimacy of its intrinsic meaning and purpose." (Renewing the Mind of the Media. June 988. United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.)

Many pornography users have not developed an understanding of God’s sacred purpose and appropriate time for sexual intimacy. Even those who have learned the sacred purpose of intimacy, will become callous when using pornography. Teach them the sacred nature of sexual intimacy.

This will improve their ability to abstain from pornography. The following table will help the user understand the differences between sacred marital intimacy and inappropriate sexual gratification.

The following are some ways to help strengthen motivation:

Teach users to recognize temptations and triggers that lead them toward pornography and sexual mistakes. Help the user develop a specific plan of action to control temptations and triggers. Temptations and triggers are diverse and their potential for influence may vary over time. Some examples of temptations and triggers are: negative thoughts about self, negative moods, emotionally painful experiences or relationships with others, memories of past inappropriate sexual experiences, visual images, inappropriate conversations and intrusive sexual thoughts.

The form entitled Controlling Triggers and Temptations Worksheet is an assignment designed for the user to complete. The purpose of this worksheet is to help the user identify triggers and temptations and develop the solutions to resist them. The user will need to review it frequently and follow it exactly. Over time it will need to be updated to remain valuable. This form is located in the Appendix section page 24. This worksheet can be copied as needed. Review the completed worksheet.

There are many books and articles available for understanding and overcoming pornography addiction. Users need to consistently study good resources to help them overcome their problem. Encourage the user to study these resources. Diligent study of the scriptures will strengthen the user’s ability to stop pornography. A list of available reading materials is located on page 7 in the table Information About Pornography. The LDS Family Services publication Addiction Recovery Program: A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing is one excellent resource listed in this table. This workbook follows a Twelve Step recovery model and is a major document of the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Programs. The pornography user should not have unsupervised access to the Internet while searching for resources.

Ideally, the family is the best source of support. However, in some situations a pornography user may not have family members who can assist. A support group can include the spouse, family, friends, caregiver, clergy and other church members. The purpose of a support group is to share ideas on how to solve the problem, encourage the user to remain motivated, strengthen the user’s sense of accountability, and provide consequences for lack of progress. The secrecy and isolation which promote a pornography habit, are reduced when the support group becomes involved in the user’s life. Ask permission to contact the spouse, parents, or others who may be able to participate in the support group. Some of these individuals may also be able to help you develop the support group. Follow-up with invitations. If users do not want others involved, resolve their concerns. Teach them that individuals with addiction make greater progress when their spouse or others are helping. Give the support group members a copy of Understanding the Addiction Pattern handout page 2. Those helping the user need to maintain unity through close communication with each other. Assign the support group members a reading assignment from the table Information About Pornography found on page 7.

In addition, many family members can benefit from reading material written for the pornography user. They will also benefit from personal visits with the caregiver to assist them to remain positive and focused. Often spouses and parents need special support because of the painful feelings they are experiencing. Help them to avoid blaming themselves, feeling inadequate, becoming fearful or hopeless. Reassure the spouse and other family members they are not the cause of the problem. Help the family heal from painful feelings and resolve the problems they are facing. Then the family’s efforts can be directed towards helping the individual stop using pornography. Periodically, ask the support group members about the user’s progress to stop using pornography.

X. ENCOURAGE INVOLVEMENT WITH COMMUNITY SUPPORT GROUPS

Users may also benefit from participating in spiritually based community support groups like “2-Step Support Groups”. These community support groups can provide additional insight because of their common challenge and their search for solutions. When deciding on “2-Step Support Groups” evaluate their usefulness by asking questions about their purpose and practices. Community support groups are not appropriate for beginner users.Twelve – Step Community Support Groups that help users stop using pornography include: Sexaholics Anonymous (S.A.) and Sex Addicts Anonymous (S.A.A.). Codependents of Sexual Addicts (COSA) is a 2-Step Support Group for friends and family members of sexual addicts. There are other resources available to help Latter-day Saints. These include: LDS Family Services Support Groups, Heart t’ Heart, Latter Day Sexual Recovery (LDSR), and Clean LDS. These resources are listed below in the table entitled Community Support Groups. There is no cost to attend community support groups.

Agree on a plan of regular visits and brief contacts as needed. Have users report on their progress of eliminating pornography and increasing spirituality.