Preface

        How did I get interested in this topic? My parents were good parents, but we didn't talk about sex. In my home very little was said about our bodies or how babies are created or how they come to this earth. Knowing my grand-parents, they probably didn't say anything to my parents about sex. When the subject of sex education came up with some of my adult friends, I learned that they came from similar backgrounds. Sex just wasn't discussed a generation or two ago. As a result, everything I learned about sex came from TV; radio, movies, or my friends at school; consequently much of it was not accurate or helpful.
        Early in my marriage, I sought out a counselor to help me deal with the improper attitudes and feelings I had learned during my teenage years.
        Meeting with a counselor who had a strong testimony of the gospel and was well respected in his profession was very healing and worthwhile. The counselor charged forty dollars per hour. I thought at that rate I would be cured in no time. But it wasn't that easy--even though I was, at the same time, reading self-improvement books and gathering scriptures that seemed applicable to compulsive behaviors.
        This book is the result of my own struggle and recovery as well as the experiences of people I met through a support group and people I worked with over the years in my church leadership positions. As I have held interviews and listened closely to numerous individuals who have chosen compulsive sexual behaviors, I have been able to identify many irrational thinking patterns and emotional out-of-balance behaviors that get people into this compulsive behavior. I also learned many ways individuals can deal with emotions and feelings in a positive way to get them out of the compulsive behavior. The most important thing I learned about helping people overcome this compulsive behavior is that any successful plan for recovery needs to be Christ-centered. We become victorious only as we surrender our weaknesses to Christ and become one with Him. As we turn to Christ, we begin the inner healing. Every temptation can be overcome with faith on the Lord Jesus Christ.
        Speaking to his son Helaman, Alma said, "Preach unto them repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ; teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart; teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil, with their faith On the Lord Jesus Christ." (Alma 37:33)
        This book is unique because it is a workbook that allows you to work through your feelings. As you record your feelings and begin to take responsibility for them, you will see progress (although at times it may be slow) in overcoming what I have come to call a "drug of choice"-a compulsive sexual lifestyle.
        The title of this book explains a twofold program for surrender and recovery. The first part is to turn toward Christ and surrender your compulsive sexual behavior. As you do your part, Christ will do His part-His power, strength, and peace will be with you and the actual healing will occur.
        Elder Boyd K. Packer said, "It is contrary to the order of heaven for any soul to be locked into compulsive, immoral behavior with no way out!" (Ensign, November 1986, p.18)
        The Savior said: "Continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them." (3 Nephi 18:32) He also said, "Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" (3 Nephi 9:13)
        This book is designed to teach you the steps to take and the tools to do spiritual surgery rather than give you a spiritual Band-Aid®. A Band-Aid® only covers up the wound and may come off after a few days. Spiritual surgery may be painful, but it is necessary in order for lasting emotional and spiritual healing to occur. To accept spiritual surgery is to draw on the power of Christ. Only with Christ's help can consistent progress and healing take place. Christ is a solid foundation:

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall heat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." (Helaman 5:12)

        The personal histories of compulsive individuals in the book are true; however, some names and situations have been changed to protect those involved. The people I mention are all real people who are productive citizens. By all outward appearances they seem "normal." They succeeded in turning their lives around; they are becoming their best selves through the power of the Atonement and their relationship with Jesus Christ. By surrendering their weaknesses to Christ, they each achieved victory.
        The ten-step program for recovery contained in this book is based on the experiences, setbacks, moments of success, and eventual recovery of these individuals and others who have now chosen a Christ-centered life.
        I do not consider myself an expert on this subject. However, I do know what has worked for many individuals, including myself, and I do know that any successful plan for recovery must be Christ-centered. I also know we are sent to earth to learn, grow, and develop a personal relationship with the Savior.
        I'm very confident that as you use this ten-step program, you will make progress in surrendering your compulsive sexual behavior and building a Christ-centered life. You can achieve the results the Savior promised when He said, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

3/16/00 rdh